


Dicks Can Be Such Dicks

by zelda_addict



Category: Supernatural
Genre: All in all it's fairly mild, Coming In Pants, Crack, Cursed Dean, Cursed Sam, Dubious Consent, M/M, Magic Made Them Do It, Sibling Incest, There are lots of ways to say "penis"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-26 19:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3861913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zelda_addict/pseuds/zelda_addict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I decided to finally own up to my spn-masquerade fills.</p>
<p>Original Prompt: "Sam and Dean are cursed to have talking penises. Their dicks start talking. Dean's being a horndog, Sam's is either morose because it keeps dooming the women he sleeps with, or a gleefully evil sociopath.</p>
<p>They both complain on long car rides that they have to pee.</p>
<p>Eventually they start hitting on each other. Sex ensues."</p>
<p>This is more or less that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dicks Can Be Such Dicks

At first, Sam and Dean had suspected they might be up against an insane witch. People in a small town in Ohio were dying from some very odd curses. As it turned out, the witch was _not_ insane--she was just really, _really_ bad at Latin pronunciation.

She’d been fairly easy to take down once they identified her, and when they found the hex bag in the Impala, they hoped fervently that her incompetence had spared them. No such luck.

“I wish you’d wear boxers more often,” a muffled voice complained as they were driving away. “I like hanging free.”

“Did you hear that, Dean?” Sam asked alarmed, checking the back seat.

“Um, yeah...” Dean was blushing bright red. “I think it came from my pants.”

“As long as we’re airing grievances,” a second voice chimed in, this time from below Sam’s waist, “I’d like to take a leak. You’re always holding it too long--it sucks.”

“If you ask me,” Dean’s crotch declared with a snicker, “he doesn’t hold you long _enough!_ Probably why you’re both so bitchy...” 

“Shut up!” Sam’s groin groused. “We can’t all be attached to man-whores.”

“Hey!” Dean protested. “I am _not_ a man-whore!”

“Totally not a bad thing,” the elder Winchester’s penis reassured. “I appreciate it. Love me some sex! We should pick somebody up later...”

“Sammy,” Dean deadpanned, “we’ve been cock cursed.”

“No shit, Sherlock!” Sam’s schlong sniped. “At least now I can complain out loud instead of just languishing in silence.”

“Other than the peeing thing,” Sam began defensively, “what could you possibly have to complain about? I take good care of you!”

“I was put here for a purpose, Sam,” his penis declared. “You’re not using me to my full potential! I’m practically porn star material, and you won’t use me because a few broads kicked the bucket. It’s disgraceful, is what it is.”

“Amen!” Dean’s dick agreed. “No penis should be deprived of gratification! Take the next exit, and let’s find a bar...”

“No way!” Dean refused. “Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure talking dicks will frighten off pretty much everybody!”

“Tell them it’s a ventriloquist act,” Dean’s appendage suggested. “It’s hardly the craziest lie you’ve ever used on a girl. Hook me up, man! I _need_ it!”

“No,” Sam agreed with his brother. “We can’t be sure the talking is the only thing the curse did to you, and we can’t risk it.”

Sam’s crotch sighed pathetically. “I remain doomed to wither away in loneliness.”

“Hey, Debbie Downer,” Dean’s rod asked his compatriot, “are you really ‘porn star material?’”

“Not to brag or anything,” Sam’s cock answered, “but I’m more than proportional.”

“Oh God,” Sam moaned, covering his face in mortification.

“I ain’t too shabby in the size department myself,” Dean’s dingaling announced. “If they won’t humor us, maybe we ought to just humor each other--what do you say?”

“I’m so deprived, I’ll take anything!” Sam’s sausage stated. “No offense.”

“None taken.”

Dean nearly swerved into a tree as both brothers found their pelvises trying to scooch towards one another, the fronts of their jeans tenting.

“This is so wrong!” Sam complained.

Dean finally had to pull off to the side of the road. He’d scarcely turned off the ignition before the brothers found themselves groin to groin, humping madly.

“Oh yeah!” Dean’s prick purred. “That’s the ticket!”

“I’ve missed this!” Sam’s boner practically sobbed.

There were fours shouts of ecstasy when both brothers came in their pants, followed by heavy silence.

“We must never speak of this again.” Dean was deathly serious.

“Agreed.”


End file.
